So, I've set my metaphysical fantasy story aside to write about my life. Specifically the four years of incredible transitions around high school times, when I did a lot of stupid and crazy shit.

Anyway, as I've picked this story up, I found flashes of the way my life used to be resurfacing. It's like my current life and/or the universe are asking me, "What will you do if these things happen to you now? How will you handle them?"

I'm so different. I am pleased with the way I have been handling these things.

My mother is back to her accusatory state. I have tonsillitis right now and the first things she jumps to is: "You're throwing up again!" Even though I've never made myself throw up at any point in my life. I should've just told her I smoked the rest of my fucking cigarettes, but I didn't. I shrugged it off.

Former me would have thrown something or stormed out of the house. But I don't care for those things. I don't want to react that way anymore. I can control myself now and there is no need to fill the house with anger.

I have accepted that my mother needs to come to terms with her delusional state, even though the likeliness of that happening is very slim. I respond to her calmly, even though I'm annoyed. I'm in the process of shrugging it off, letting myself breathe.

There is nothing I can do if she is creating things in her mind. It must run its course.

I'm supposed to go to dinner with  her and all of her co-workers tonight. I never wanted to go, but I'm going to do it with her. I love food. It's some Persian place. Sounds good.

I just don't want to feel like I can't go to the bathroom if I need to piss for fear of her cringing all over the place.