The Turn Out!

 

So, this didn't turn out as well as it would have if I used hot rollers, but I still love it! I'm going to make a trip to Target and see if they have hot rollers. I'm really not sure where to go to purchase them, but that sounds about right, no?

 

I'm getting my coffee fix right now and finishing up a chapter for my novel writing class. I have so much work to catch up on.

 

I perform tonight at this thing called "The Happening Unhappening," which is a collab of all different kinds of arts- sculpting, dancing, theater, speech, music, etc- happening at once in a black box theater. I'll be performing a duo piece from the play "Bea's Niece." It should be pretty fun!

 

Afterwards, I'm going to go see my daddy. I miss him.

 

But before that happens, I'm going to make some progress on my Book of Shadows and thrift around for some presents for friends. Two birthdays coming up this next week. I love finding gifts for people. I hope I can get some cute tea set or something charming and irresistible. We'll see! I don't like to except anything when going thrifting. It makes finding good stuff difficult!

My New Favorite Vintage Hair Tutorial

I randomly found this tutorial searching around on google about Dita Von Teese, because I am obsessed with her. And I am equally obsessed with this hair tutorial by The Fiercest Lilliputian!

She has the cutest vintage blogger and I am a DIY freak. I was so inspired that I literally left my house about twenty minutes ago to get to the pharmacy before it closed. I had to get some rollers.

And I did. My hair is up in them and sprayed. I'm always looking for more vintage hair tutorials and I really hope this one turns out well!

On another note, I dedicated time to my Book of Shadows today. I haven't done that for a while and, funny enough, the full moon is tonight. I gestured for the God this morning and the Goddess on my way back from the pharmacy just now.

The moon was staring at me on my way back. It's so bright and beautiful and full.

Anywho.

Here's to another night in. I really like being home. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I should be out and about, but I like my house.

I do go out. On occasion. And, well, since I was gone for a week competing, I think I need some rolling-around-on-carpet time.

OVER AND OUT.

So, I've set my metaphysical fantasy story aside to write about my life. Specifically the four years of incredible transitions around high school times, when I did a lot of stupid and crazy shit.

Anyway, as I've picked this story up, I found flashes of the way my life used to be resurfacing. It's like my current life and/or the universe are asking me, "What will you do if these things happen to you now? How will you handle them?"

I'm so different. I am pleased with the way I have been handling these things.

My mother is back to her accusatory state. I have tonsillitis right now and the first things she jumps to is: "You're throwing up again!" Even though I've never made myself throw up at any point in my life. I should've just told her I smoked the rest of my fucking cigarettes, but I didn't. I shrugged it off.

Former me would have thrown something or stormed out of the house. But I don't care for those things. I don't want to react that way anymore. I can control myself now and there is no need to fill the house with anger.

I have accepted that my mother needs to come to terms with her delusional state, even though the likeliness of that happening is very slim. I respond to her calmly, even though I'm annoyed. I'm in the process of shrugging it off, letting myself breathe.

There is nothing I can do if she is creating things in her mind. It must run its course.

I'm supposed to go to dinner with  her and all of her co-workers tonight. I never wanted to go, but I'm going to do it with her. I love food. It's some Persian place. Sounds good.

I just don't want to feel like I can't go to the bathroom if I need to piss for fear of her cringing all over the place.

to be sixteen in july

I actually feel like a teenage girl.

I went out for the first time in a long time the other night. It was this goth club in LA and it was a spur of the moment kind of thing.

The ride up there reminded me that even though I lived in Long Beach for a while, I didn't know how ghetto things could get in random parts of cities. Or I had forgotten, at least. The actual area of the club itself wasn't too bad. But we stopped at a gas station to get some energy drinks along the way. They don't call me "grandma" for no reason.  ( Actually, no one calls me that. But they probably think it.)

There were huge group of men hollering and whistling at us at the station. It creeped me out a bit, but they didn't advance or anything, so it wasn't a big deal. It was kind of fun running to the car and wondering what ran through the minds of questionable-looking characters.

The best part was actually being there, of course. Goth culture is really interesting and totally accepting. Everyone we met was extremely nice. We danced our asses off while sober and I still had a killer time. I haven't danced like that for that long in years. Reminded me of when I was a dumb ass at raves. But this place was way cooler.

I kissed a stranger. I haven't done that in... well, I can't remember. Years. I know it's happened but I can't seem to catch the memory. It's okay, though. It felt safe enough. I really do like kissing.

Going out was nice. It was a huge reminder that this is a time in my life to go explore and live and feel like a fucking fairy on the dance floor. I want to go out more often. I want to stay up all night. I want to meet as many people as I can.

But I still do like the part of me who enjoys libraries more than parties and going to bed at seven. I don't think that will ever change. I love mellow things and places. But I want to be more diverse. Because even though the scary stage of my life is over, it doesn't mean that I can't enjoy going out.

I think part of it, too, is taking this semester off from work. It kind of crippled me financially especially because I need the money saved for my car payments, but I'm going back to work soon! And once I do, I want to go back to shows every other weekend and sleeping in parks.

All of this really makes me miss Portland. What a wild city. I can't stop thinking about it.

I don't want it to cause me to take these Californian cities for granted. Who knows how long I'll be here.